Cheers To "Year 3"
Ok... so... lets talk real talk right now! Marriage is WORK! And anyone who has told you otherwise lied to you terribly. And you should sue them... lol. Not really! But it is work and they should let people know that upfront. Maybe, just maybe more marriages will survive the ups and downs, ins and outs, highs and lows.
The divorce rate is way too high. It's higher than the marriage rate. Like cmon, how?! But whatever... that's another discussion and post for another time. What I want to address is certainly about marriage and it's hardships, but specifically about this one particular hurdle that happens to be one of the major causes of divorce... Year 3!
A few days ago, March 3, 2017 to be exact, I celebrated 5 years of marriage with my husband. We married "young" (22/23 years old) but like I always say... when you know you know! But this isn't about what we knew, it's about what we didn't know. We didn't know that in about 90% of marriages, year 3 of the marriage is one of the toughest, if not THE toughest year of marriage EVER!
Well of course, naturally the question would be "what happens in year 3?". An answer simply put is... GROWTH happens. You grow individually and then you also grow as couple. But we know that with growth comes growing pains. So you're going through the growing pains as an individual as well as couple, which is a lot of added stress to your own transformation as a person. It's tough... very tough!
You find yourself in a place of total disbelief because you can sometimes feel like you no longer know the person you married while simultaneously you're trying to get to know the person you're becoming or have become. Marriage changes you. And whether people want to admit it or not, some of those changes aren't always good changes... if they're not polished or implemented the correct way.
When we change or grow, we can become defensive because of the uncertainty of the newness of who we have grown into... at first. But if we could put aside our own insecurities for a moment, and remain in a loving space to help our spouses with their own growing pains, growing together can take place. And before you know it, year 4 is on its way and connubial bliss can continue!
So can marriage work beyond year 3? Well yes... JayR and I are a testament to it being very possible. If the will to put forth effort tirelessly and to communicate beyond what you may be feeling in the current moment always remains the priority, any "Year 3" can be conquered. A vacation can help as well... lol. Na but seriously! Time away from your normal surroundings allows you to reconnect with one another without distractions. This is especially true for those married couples who have small children and are new to parenting. Often times, children add a weight to a relationship and certain aspects of the relationship tend to be neglected because of this. Prioritize your spouse. Your children will thank you later.
On a higher note... I am especially grateful that we made it through and I hope that this can be a help to those that are enduring "Year 3" currently, prepare those that may run into the hardships of year 3 soon, and/or give insight to those that aren't married yet but have the plans for it in the future. Please understand, this isn't to discourage or scare anyone. This is simply a heads up because I wasn't given one. If I knew then what I know now, things would have definitely been a tad easier... in a sense.
Although we just celebrated "Year 5", CHEERS to "Year 3"! JayR and I appreciate each other the more because of you!